yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
