he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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