Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
