I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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