Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
