So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
