Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
