I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
