I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
