His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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