You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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