Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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