We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
