getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
