I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
