Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
