he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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