You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
