I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
