my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
