Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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