I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
