I will die if light touches me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
