i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
