Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
