Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
