found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
