I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
