sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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