i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
