Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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