I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
