Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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