I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
