Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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