My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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