The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't deserve a penis
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
