Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
