Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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