I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
