You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pants 0. Shit 1.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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