can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
