She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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