Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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