i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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