no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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