fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
