Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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