feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
