you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
