I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
