You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
