i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
