She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize