Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
