Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
