What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize