everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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