you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
